Is it the Blah of the season or something else?

It has been a while since I wrote a more personal blog....   Feels as though I have less time about doing this.   But I love doing the reviews and I think I will miss it when it is finished.   The TOS Crew has been a wonderful experience and I am already thinking of other possibilities...

In the meantime, even though I am taking my Vitamin D daily since the big news of it's potential benefits last year (reducing depression during winter time, possibility of reducing cancer if you have family who has it as well as better assimilation of the calcium...) it seems I have hit rock bottom.    I am tired easily and moody like I never been before.    I'm thinking pre-menopause but my doctor thinks it's too early...   Oh I did tell him that I had my first periods REALLY early in life but he wasn't convinced.   When I went to see him, it was mid January.    Haven't had a period since mid-november which was before my surgery...   Possible pregnancy?    I doubt it because hubby went to a vasectomy earlier that year but there is a 0.01% chances of reconnecting (1 every 2000).   We did home pregnance test and it was negative.  So when I went to the doctor, he said "Never know so let's do a blood pregnancy test... as well as check iron and other little things."   So I went for the blood test...  Negative and nothing else showed up.   The next day I had a bit of spotting for a couple of days.   Since then nothing.

I feel depressed, tired and moody.  My sleep is not so great either these days which doesn't help the tired part... Signs of pre-menopause from what I read.   So now I wait.   And try to find myself...

I'm turning 40 in March.   And somehow it seems to hit me.   Never really had a birthday party in my life.   Well 1 back in 5th or 6th grade.   Can't even remember much about it.   I have mixed feelings about a party so at first I told hubby to just forget about it.   So scrap the surprised...  he gave up.   Me?   Got more mixed up about it.   Just had a talk with him and he thinks that deep down I want one.   So we will do one but not a surprise...   I'll go with the flow.   I just wish I could celebrate with my friend Heidi who has the same birthday as me but is one year younger...  Love ya girl!  Honestly, I'm bless to share that special day with her even though she is in PA, USA and I am in ON, Canada.   What are the chances to have a friend who has the same birthday as you?

For now, I need to think about Dominic's 5th birthday later in February.   I want to make him a pirate ship cake...   Gotta find a model on the net somewhere...

And if you know anyone going through the same thing as me.  Please tell them to tell me their story.   I need to know I'm not the only one going through this...  Thanks.