Saturday, July 25, 2009

What He Must Be... If He Wants to Marry My Daughter

What He Must Be… If He Wants to Marry My Daughter
By Voddie T. Baucham Jr.
Published at Crossway

About the Book
All parents want their daughters to marry godly young men. But which qualities, specifically, should they be looking for?

What will you say when that certain young man sits down in your living room, sweaty-palmed and tongue-tied, and asks your permission to marry your daughter? What criteria should he meet before the two of them join together for life? What He Must Be… If He Wants to Marry My Daughter outlines ten qualities parents should look for in a son-in-law, including trustworthiness, a willingness to lead his family, an understanding of his wife’s role, and various spiritual leadership qualities.

Author Voddie Baucham follows up on his popular book Family Driven Faith with this compelling apologetic of biblical manhood. By studying the principles outlined in his book, parents who want their daughter to marry a godly man—as well as those who want their sons to become godly men—will be well equipped to help their children look for and develop these God-honoring qualities.

Who is Voddie T. Baucham Jr.?
Voddie T. Baucham Jr. is the preaching pastor of Grace Family Baptist Church in Spring, Texas. Author of Family Driven Faith and The Ever-Loving Truth, Baucham is also a sought-after Bible teacher and conference speaker. He and his wife, Bridget, have four children.

My Thoughts
I was a bit surprise when I received this book. I first saw the title – What He Must Be… If He Wants to Marry My Daughter – and laughed. You see my little girl is only 19 months right now. I thought it was funny because she was so young and far away from the dating/getting married years. But after I started the book, I realized that it wasn’t only a book about what to look for in the young man who will catch her heart but also for us to train our own sons to become strong men of faith and loving husbands.

The major problem these days is that many people get married without taking the covenant seriously. And when we are not happy or just plain dissatisfied, we divorce and try to found someone else. The truth is nobody is perfect and we need to work at our marriage. I like the view of the author on the fact that marriage is a ministry and raising our children too – we need to instill in them a love for God and a willingness of seeking Him.

The author has definitively some interesting views but sometimes I feel as though it is just too much. For example, in the section where the guy must be a leader – I agree with the fact the ultimately the man should lead his family especially when important decision are made. Don’t take me wrong, I think we as spouses can voice our concerns and thoughts about it but the final decision need to be made either both agree on it or if there is disagreement I think the man should listen to his spouse and then decide for the better or for the worse. However, when it concerns who should stay home and who should work – I don’t think that only the guy should work and only the woman should stay home. We live in a time where anything could happen. If for whatever reason, the woman could have a job which pays more and the guy is able to pitch in the house and care for the children – why not? For example, we own a business and if by any chance contracts don’t come in for whatever reasons, I am prepared to apply to work for the government (just I like I was doing before). Would I like it? No. But when it means you keep your home and there is food on the table – I won’t hesitate a minute and do it. I know my husband will do a great job caring for the kids and even homeschooling them. On the other hand, knowing how the young man thinks about the headship in a marriage is important. If he overvalues it, then you can prevent the future abuse of your daughter and her children. It’s important to be aware of that.

I am still reading the book and pondering on what is written. I discuss it also with my husband when I am not agreeing about something – and I am glad that my husband thinks like me. The author also brings the issue of women pastors in the book. I know it is a touchy subject of conversation for some of you but personally I see no problem to it.

However, even though I disagree with some comments made in the book, I love the idea of the strengths and weaknesses of the young man and work with him to strengthen the parts that need to be stronger before there is a marriage. Yes it is important that our daughter marries a Christian man who is prepared to lead like Christ and be committed to her and our future grandkids. I hope and pray that he will be a protector, a provider, a priest and a prophet within his own family. I pray that he is raised within a Christian family and if it isn’t the case that he won’t hesitate to ask for guidance from us. I also pray that my own sons become the kind of future son-in-laws that will take care of their wives and children. I know I am blessed to have such a husband in my own life and I am thankful for the upbringing he got from his parents. Thanks mom and dad in law. I love you!

The contents and the first chapter as well as the back cover of the book are available at Crossway. Simply click on the link for Crossway in the beginning of my review.

What He Must Be… If He Wants to Marry My Daughter is available everywhere even at and


  1. Hey, Isabelle! This is a very well-written review. I'm getting ready to write mine now. I didn't read this book - I had Brian to it for me (and he's not even a reader!)

  2. Thanks Heidi. I am just trying to be honest and include bits and pieces from our family in it.